What To Do When You’re Stuck
“Why am I not doing what I know I need to do?”
This is the question that comes up on most of my first coaching calls with women. Each one knows what changes she wants to make in her life, and she may even know what some of the steps are to get there.
Still, every night, she climbs into bed disappointed that yet another day has gone by where she didn’t do what she said she was going to do. And so she lies there in the dark, and swears to herself that tomorrow will be different.
Except, it usually isn’t. The new day unfolds just like the last one did. And so does the next. And the next. Maybe it does for you, too.
The thing is, Babe, it’s not your fault. There are real reasons that we struggle to make change, and there are real ways to make it easier. And since I’m all about making your life easier, I’ve got three insights to share with you here that can help you slay those changes you want to make in your life.
- #1 – Habits are hard to break
Say you set out to stop biting your nails. You start the day pretty well. You’re feeling good. Then by 10:00am, you find yourself with your fingers in your mouth, nibbling away again.
Plain and simple, it’s friggin’ hard to change a behavior you’ve been doing a long time or add one you haven’t been doing for very long. This goes for every habit, from nail biting to working out to developing a new mindset.
The key is to keep on truckin’. When we find ourselves biting our nails when we’re trying to stop, we just notice what we’re doing, put our hands down, and try again. Then we rinse and repeat until the habit is broken. We don’t berate ourselves or decide it’s too hard or that we can’t do it. We just notice what’s happening and try again.
The same goes for any change we’re trying to make in our lives. If you’re trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself, for example, that’s a habit you’re breaking. For a while, those negative thoughts will keep trying to show up.
The key is to approach it like you would nail biting: notice what’s happening and change your behavior. Don’t judge or kick yourself about it or decide that you can’t do it. Just notice, change, and repeat.
Follow this formula for any change you’re trying to make (diet, exercise, money habits, mindset, anything at all).
- #2 – There’s something else going on
If someone gives us step-by-step directions for how to drive from Point A to Point B, we have no trouble doing it. Yet, if someone gives us step-by-step instructions on how to lose weight, build our confidence, earn more money, or have a great relationship, we end up struggling instead.
The reason we don’t successfully do these things (often year after year) often isn’t because we don’t know what steps to take, but because, unlike with driving, there is almost always a hidden, underlying belief or pattern inner personal formula that keeps us where we are.
Once we address these patterns, the habit becomes pretty easy to change, actually. So to make the change you want to make, do what you need to do to address and clear those patterns out. Which brings me to #3…
- #3 – Get support
Changing long-standing habits is not easy, especially if you’re dealing with some underlying beliefs driving those habits. This is, frankly, why most people don’t do it.
But if you’re serious about making a change in your life, getting the support you need is essential. It not only keeps your frustration to a minimum, but it can cut the time it takes to change in half (at least). And, you can get incredible insights and tips for making the process as easy as it can be, practically wrapped in a pretty package with a bow.
Work with a coach. Talk to a therapist. Join a program. If you’ve struggled at all with trying to do this on your own, this is the greatest gift you can give yourself. The freedom from the struggle and the joys that come with finally having what you want are so worth it.
To your fabulous life,
P.S. If you’d like some help getting to the heart of what’s been making change difficult, I’d love to chat with you, Babe. Click here to set up a complimentary, no-obligation call with me to discover those underlying patterns and talk about how you can start to move forward.