How to Stop Fearing Your Haters (real and imagined)
Worrying about what other people think of us kinda stinks. Am I right?
I mean, not only does it cause us unnecessary anxiety and hurt feelings, but it really holds us back from the fabulous lives we really, really want for ourselves.
Many of us are fascinated by those women who do what they want and say what they mean (I personally practically studied Samantha Jones on Sex and the City to learn the secrets to her “IDGAF-what-you-think” approach to life). And when we’re honest with ourselves, this is who many of us wish we could be.
And with good reason! The reason so many women (and I mean SO many women) don’t go off and create the fabulous lives they imagine is because they’re worried, on some level or another, about what other people will say or think about them.
This is so understandable, but it’s also so sad. We are Fabulous Babes, created to shine and shake up this world! A fear of what others will have to say about it simply can NOT continue to get in our way.
So, in service to everything you wish you could say, everything you’ve always wanted to do, and your brilliant light that’s just waiting to shine, I want to share three reasons to empty your purse of any cares you usually give about what other people think of you.
- #1: You cannot control what anyone thinks or says about you
At first, this truth may cause a slight panic, especially if other people’s approval has been important to you for a long time (like your whole life, if you’re like many of us). But once you let it settle in, it’s incredibly freeing.
Look, you could be the most genuine, giving, talented person on the planet, and someone can still have something negative to say about you.
Or you can shrink yourself down until you’re barely perceptible, just to avoid ruffling feathers or rocking boats, and it won’t prevent anyone from having anything to say about it.
I mean, think of a celebrity you truly, truly admire. Then Google that person, see what comments are out there about him or her, and you’ll see that no matter what status you’ve reached with your bravery, talent, or generosity, haters still gonna hate.
That’s because what people say, think, and believe is really about them. It’s not about you.
So listen: You can neither prove yourself enough nor play small enough to guarantee that no one will have anything negative to say about you. So why bother with either?
People can talk whether you shrink down and hide who you really are or whether you decide to boldly shine your fabulous light, with no cares left in your designer purse to give. So why not shine?
- #2: It’s never as bad as you think it will be
Often we don’t do or say what we really want because we’re afraid of how other people will react. But experience has proven to me and so many other Babes time and time again that whatever terrifying response we’ve imagined others will have to our words or actions, it almost always remains just that: imaginary.
When we actually do honor what we really want to say or do in our lives, we find that people’s reactions are far, far more reasonable than we built them up to be in our heads.
You’re a Fabulous Babe, right? So I know you surround yourself with good people. I can bet that people in your life are pretty understanding, receptive, and capable of coping change. Give them some credit by being truly you and trusting they can handle it.
And if it so happens that they can’t? Please refer back to #1 above.
- #3: You’re being an inspiration
Sometimes we just don’t want to say “No” or stand up for ourselves because we worry we’re disappointing others. The thing is, Babe, when you honor your fabulous self by saying what you mean and doing what you know is really right for you, you are actually giving other people permission to do the same.
Sure, there may be some disappointment here and there at first (not always, though: do remember what we learned in #2), but not long afterwards, people begin to notice what you’re doing for yourself and they start to see that it may be possible for them as well.
For example, say you’ve got a particularly busy week and you know adding just one more thing would really deplete you, so you turn down a friend’s party invite. Chances are, that friend is pretty busy herself, and maybe she has had a hard time saying “No” to things that leave her feeling depleted. But when she sees you do it, she thinks to herself (even subconsciously), “Hey, she is taking care of herself in this way; maybe I can, too.”
And then she decides to follow your fabulous lead, which, in turn, inspires another woman, until we’ve got a chain of Babes inspiring each other across the globe.
Remembering these three truths can open up all kinds of wild, fabulous possibilities in your life. So commit them to heart, go out there, and get to it, Babe.
To your fabulous life,
P.S. If any of this resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. Comment below, or better yet, join us in our private Facebook group of Fabulous Babes, Platform B, to share with us and connect with other Babes just like you.